Enthusiasm

Dad’s bursts of enthusiasm collide at the boys bedtime

dear Abby Jeanne Phillips

DEAR ABBY: My husband gets very upset when our 4 year old sons don’t share his enthusiasm for something that excites him. He wants them (and me) to jump for joy or clap when he gets excited about something. The problem is that he tends to share his news when we’re getting ready for bed or just plain tired. I feel guilty for not nodding, but at the same time, I don’t want to pretend. Any suggestions for a compromise please? — AT A LOSS IN TEXAS

EXPENSIVE AT A LOSS: Explain to your husband that you’re “sorry” that he’s upset by the lack of enthusiasm he gets when he’s excited about something, but his TIMING isn’t right. If he expects you and the kids to be his cheering section, it would help if he timed his announcements so they don’t conflict with bedtime, when the level of energy is high. everyone’s energy is low.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I have been divorced for over two years. We had our wedding reception at a club with live music, and we went there every Saturday night to listen to the music. We divorced shortly after our marriage because he had frequent violent outbursts. After our divorce, he called and asked if we could go on a date. When I went out with him, it was awesome. We listened to the musicians and no one knew we were divorced.

My ex had serious surgery, which I helped him through, but due to a subsequent violent episode on his part, I have now severed all ties with him. I would like to go back to listen to the musicians, but I don’t know what to say when they ask me where he is. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. — UNCERTAIN LOVER

DEAR MUSIC LOVERS: When asked, all you have to say is, “‘John’ and I are no longer a couple, so you won’t see him with me anymore.” I may have broken up with my husband, but I didn’t fall in love with your music. There is no need to share details beyond that.

DEAR ABBY: My grandparents were very generous. They provided for me in a way my parents couldn’t when I was a kid. They allowed me to take music lessons and vacations, travel with them, and pay for my college education. They also launched an investment fund for me which has grown well.

Now that I’m married (I’m 37, my husband is 42), we’re financially stable and getting some financial advice, and we’ve decided to put those funds into another form of investment. The problem is that Grandma opposes any modification of these gifts and puts pressure on us. How can I thank her for her generosity and let her know that we are managing our finances now? — CUT THE APRON STRINGS

DEAR CUT: Start by telling your grandmother again how grateful you are for all that she has contributed over these many years. Explain your investment plans for the accumulated money and your reasons for wanting to change. If she has concerns, listen to them and suggest that she discuss them with the financial adviser you are considering employing, which may ease her concerns.